Of Shawarma and Superheroes
by Anzhela D Asura
Summary: What happens when you get all the Avengers and force them to stay at Stark's Malibu home for six months? Mayhem of course! Will feature anything from Angst to bad puns, but NO SLASH.
1. Chapter 1

**Of Shawarma and Superheroes**

**Rating: T**

**Disclaimer: Perhaps when pigs learn to fly, I will own the Avengers. Until then, I guess I'll just have to make do with Fanfiction.**

**Warnings: Possible Whump, Angst, Language and really bad puns.**

**Summary: What happens when you get all the Avengers and force them to stay at Stark's Malibu home for six months? Mayhem of course! Will feature anything from Angst to bad puns, but NO SLASH.**

CHAPTER1:

"What?" Tony Stark's enraged yell echoed through the hellicarrier hallway.

"Stark, it will just be for a few months-" Fury tried to reason, in vain.

If there was one thing that Tony Stark _didn't _expect, it was Nick Fury to ask him to house a group of dysfunctional, seriously in need of team-building superheroes, one of which was a God and two of which were master assassins.

Sadly, trying to reason with Nick Fury was similar to trying to convince a Great White Shark that you were not dinner.

"So, its settled. Captain Rogers, Agent Barton and Agent Romanov will catch the next plane to Malibu. I suggest that you do too, unless you want your security hacked by Agent Romanov," Fury stated, triumphantly. Tony seethed, but did not reply.

*AA*AA*AA*

To say that the other Avengers did not respond well would be the understatement of the century.

"What?!" Clint's words mirrored Tony's as he gasped in disbelief at what Fury was saying.

Clint Barton had lived at SHIELD for as long as he could remember and although it could be a little dull, it was routine and he appreciated that. His life was simple: Natasha, archery, Natasha, killing people, Natasha, SHIELD, and Natasha. He had never asked for anything more.

Natasha herself was shocked. She had spent a few months at the Malibu house when she was 'working' for Stark and had seen its beauty, but unfortunately had seen how annoying Stark could be when he wasn't busy in the labs. Quickly erasing her initial expression, she fumed quietly. She was _not_ living with that man again.

Steve was angry and irritated. Although after Stark's act of heroism had made him earn a little respect for the man, he would rather live with Hitler. Stark's snarky attitude and sarcastic comments

had meant that the captain had taken an instant disliking to the genius, and he was sure that the feeling was mutual.

Bruce was not annoyed, or angry, because if he was, the hellicarrier would probably now look less like a high-tech secret aircraft and more like a fiery mess of melted metal and dead people. Instead, he didn't mind too much. Right from the beginning, Tony Stark had always seemed to understand both Bruce and the Hulk. Tony was also a genius, a billionaire and and a scientist, so Banner doubted that he would ever be short of a lab.

Thor was currently in a different realm, and subsequently not capable of expressing his opinion.

"No argument," Fury warned, glaring at them with his remaining eye.

Steve opened his mouth to retort, but with a glare from Fury, he gritted his teeth.

"Yes sir."

*AA*AA*AA*

Steve gasped as Stark's Malibu house came into sight. White walls sparkled in the sunset, the many windows reflecting the harsh sunlight back to the soldier's eyes.

Below, turquoise water danced and lush green foliage glowed. It looked like paradise, but it looked _too _perfect, like it wasn't real. A strange homesickness washed over him, which hadn't happened since the Loki fiasco had begun.

The private plane touched down on the tarmac, waking Banner from his well-needed sleep. Stark had spent the duration of the six-hour journey* tapping on his cell-phone, no doubt hacking into SHIELD or posting videos of the Hulk smashing Loki (the security footage was not destroyed, unfortunately.

The resident assassins had spent their time examining the security cameras in the plane and playing some painful looking hangman which involved an unusual amount of headlocks.

Getting off the plane, Steve vaguely wondered why he had ever agreed to staying in the same house with a man who irritated him no end, but then realised that he hadn't had a choice in the matter. _Like SHIELD cared about what we _want _to do_, Steve philosophised bitterly.

"Welcome to the Malibu home," Tony said, walking through the sleek glass automatic doors.

"_Welcome home, sir," _a British accent greeted them warmly. Steve spun around wildly, searching for the source of the voice, but Tony just laughed at his expression.

"Jeez, calm down Capsicle. That's JARVIS, he's an AI," Stark explained, albeit unhelpfully since Steve had _no _clue what the hell and AI was.

"Artificial Intelligence," Tony elaborated, "But I swear, I must have accidentally given him emotions these days."

"_Thank you sir_," JARVIS replied smoothly. Tony glared at the ceiling.

"Not a compliment, JARVIS."

While this drama was happening, Natasha had showed Clint the guest rooms and then disappeared to do what Tony called, 'spy stuff', leaving Bruce to examine some piece of technology that looked vaguely like a goldfish.

"Tony!" A woman's voice called, and Steve turned, surprised to see a pretty woman with strawberry blond hair bound up to Tony and kiss him. He hadn't known that Stark had a dame.

"Hey Pep," Tony replied, voice muffled.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I can't _believe_ that I just missed your call! I promise that I will never turn my phone off ever again!" she blurted in one breath.

Banner smiled, amused by the events.

"Its fine, don't worry. Pepper, this is Steve Rogers and Bruce Banner. Guys, this is my girlfriend and CEO, Pepper Potts," Tony introduced.

Pepper smiled as she shook hands with each of them then frowned at Tony.

"What is it with Nuclear Missiles that just scream out to you?" Pepper asked, crossing her arms. Steve smiled, rather liking this strong woman who reminded him a little of Peggy, even though they were nothing alike.

"Uh..." Stark shifted uncomfortably, "I'm gonna go and do science with Banner so..." he trailed off, grabbing the man in question and literally dragging him down the stairs.

Steve and Pepper were left in an uncomfortable silence.

"So, how do you..." Steve tried to find a polite way of putting his question.

"Put up with him?" Pepper suggested mildly, "He isn't as bad as you think, Captain Rogers. Just... he puts on his mask."

"I've seen his mask, ma'am and to be honest, I prefer him _with _it on," Steve replied, confused, but Pepper just smiled sadly.

"I was talking about his _other_ mask Captain," Pepper told him as she walked away.

*AA*AA*AA*

"Movie night!" Clint Barton yelled as he threw himself into Natasha's room. Unfortunately, she was in a rather... undressed state. Immediately, the Hawk threw himself out, hyperventilating and blushing bright red.

"BARTON!"

"Oh shit," Barton said, and bolted.

Watching from the security feed, Stark sniggered and posted the video on Youtube entitled 'This is why they call him Hawkeye'.

Only seconds later, however, a _very _angry Black Widow stormed into Tony's room and snatched the laptop from his hands.

"Hey!" he protested, in vain.

"If you _ever _film _any _of us again, I will show you why _my_ name is Black Widow!" she screeched.

"Does that mean I get to have sex with you?" Tony asked hopefully.

"No, it means I'm going to kill you," she retorted, running out with the laptop and slamming his door shut.

"Ah, well, I can always hope," Tony told himself, when he suddenly wondered how 'Tasha knew that she was being filmed.

"JARVIS?" Tony inquired, "Did you by any chance inform Natasha Romanov that this had been filmed?"

"_No sir..." _JARVIS replied haltingly, but Tony's expression turned to stone.

"Override 616," he ordered, forcing the AI to tell the truth.

"_Agent Romanov was informed of a security feed being taped at exactly two minutes past seven tonight. She then forbade me from telling you that I had told her."_

Tony leapt up triumphantly. "Traitor! Wait, what?"

*AA*AA*AA*

**A/N: Yes okay, that was embarrassingly short, next chap. will be longer. This was just kind of the intro, to get things going. I hope the characters weren't too OOC, I know that they seemed that way to me. PLEASE R&R, it means the world to me, and I can't write with no motivation.**

***I don't know how long it _actually_ takes to get from NYC to Malibu, I live in England!**

**Sorry about any bad grammar, I'm Russian, but I'm trying hard to learn English.**

**R&R!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Of Shawarma and Superheroes**

**Rating: T**

**Disclaimer: Perhaps when pigs learn to fly, I will own the Avengers. Until then, I guess I'll just have to make do with Fanfiction.**

**Warnings: Possible Whump, Angst, Language and really bad puns.**

**Summary: What happens when you get all the Avengers and force them to stay at Stark's Malibu home for six months? Mayhem of course! Will feature anything from Angst to bad puns, but NO SLASH.**

**A/N: Two updates in a row? That's cos its Halloween, guys. Thank you everyone who followed, favourited and reviewed, it means a lot! Please, please review, I NEED constructive Criticism! Also, please let me know whether you want shorter but daily updates (around 1200 words or so) or longer but random updates, (2500ish words). Let me know in a review and if you want something to happen, please leave a prompt and I will comply.**

**I'm gonna shut up now, here's the chapter:**

CHAPTER 2:

Tony Stark was not happy.

It had been less than two weeks since the Avengers had moved in to his Malibu house and already Thor had trashed the kitchen while 'looking for pop-tarts', Banner had hulked out and destroyed the entire sixth floor and Steve had discovered Facebook.

Yes, the God of Thunder was back from Asgard and _living in Stark's house. _Not that Tony had anything against Thor, but the billionaire could hear his snores from the laboratory. Yes, sadly the 'God of Thunder' was not called that for no reason.

Much to his horror, Tony had been put on Steve duty, which was basically explaining everything that he didn't understand. Which was quite a lot.

That current evening, Tony had been trying to teach the Captain of the wonders of social networking.

"Gosh!" Steve shouted, causing Tony to jump a foot in the air and search for either terrorists or Clint.

"They can't put this for everyone to see! Where's the report button?" Steve asked frantically, pointing at a picture of a girl wearing a bikini. Tony just rolled his eyes.

"Capsicle, meet 2012," he muttered unhelpfully, before strolling out to see if Thor had managed to learn how to operate a toaster.

"No, no, no, NO!" he shouted as he saw the Asgardian God raise Mjölnir in frustration over the toaster which held a particularly charred piece of what could once be called toast. Reluctantly, Thor lowered the hammer, frowning at the machine.

"But I do not understand, man of Iron. How-"

Thor was cut off by a huge boom that echoed from downstairs.

"Whoops. I think Capsicle just discovered porn."

*AA*AA*AA*

"Prank time!" Clint shouted gleefully.

In the past week he had become accumulated to Stark's mansion and suddenly shown a playful side. This was both a good and a bad thing.

He and Tony were sprawled out in the dining room, discussing their devious plots, which were far worse than ordinary pranks, seeing as they were created by a genius billionaire and a sneaky assassin.

"Do you think Banner would Hulk out if we painted his room green?" Clint suggested.

"I am _not_ painting any of the guest rooms green!" Tony retorted, leaping up and glaring at the assassin.

"God, I was joking!" a sly smile crept onto Clint's face.

"Fancy a visit to our good Captain?"

*AA*AA*AA*

Steve Rogers woke from a midday nap to a sharp knock at the door.

Assuming that it was Natasha come to tell him that the world was ending- again, Steve yawned and opened the door.

"When Captain America raises his mighty shield..." Clint sang, popping up.

"All those who choose to oppose his shield must yield!" Tony continued, grinning wildly.

"Unless your a plane-"

"-Or a bomb-"

"Or some Ice!"

"Then he'll choose to take a nap 'cos the ice seems nice!" Tony finished, before collapsing into a fit of giggles.

Steve set his jaw and glared them both down, but only succeeded in causing them to both laugh harder.

"Can you believe-" Tony gasped in between giggles, "We didn't even- make that up!" he finished, clutching his side.

"The look on your face!" Clint shouted hysterically.

Steve raised his eyebrows, then promptly shut the door.

*****AA*AA*AA*

Steve Rogers had always had a morning routine, even before he was injected with the super soldier serum. Wake up at six, go for an hour long run, shower, then eat a healthy but filling breakfast.

Clint and Natasha seemed to have similar routines and Banner woke up early then immediately went down to the lab, but both Tony and Thor had seemingly never heard of 'mornings'.

This meant that when the soldier finally came to eat, there was always an uncomfortable silence between Steve and the obviously lovestruck assassins who were playing footsie under the table- like he didn't notice.

On this particular day, Steve was chewing slowly through a piece of toast- Clint had showed him how to operate the high-tech voice-activated machine- and reading the paper when Tony had trudged in, hair sticking up everywhere and wearing an old Black Sabbath shirt with sweatpants. Steve's eyes as always were drawn to the circular rind of light on his team mate's chest, which he had initially thought was some kind of logo, but had confused him more and more seeing as it was on every tee shirt that Stark owned.

Catching his gaze, Tony zipped up the black sweatshirt that he was wearing over the top, hiding the light.

"What are you doing up so early, Stark?" Steve asked, shovelling a large amount of bread and jam into his mouth.

"Shopping day today, we need costumes and you need to learn how to deal with the press," He explained.

"Costumes?" Steve inquired, confused. Tony rolled his eyes, sitting down at the table and catching the assassins' attention.

"Wow, you really are slow aren't you. Its Halloween!"

Steve's eyes narrowed.

"Its May, Stark," he growled softly, causing Clint to smirk.

"No shit Captain Obvious. We're the Avengers: Halloween is whenever we want it to be."

*AA*AA*AA*

Steve felt like an absolute idiot as he pulled the bed sheet over his head, aligning the eye holes to fit over his eyes and tying some string around the neck to prevent it coming off. Why he had let Stark talk him into this was a mystery, but he regretted wanting to be a ghost.

With Clint dressed as scarecrow from Batman, wearing a sack with sewn up holes for eyes and mouth, Tony as a Vampire with fake fangs and hair gelled back and Natasha just having fake blood dripping down from her eyes and mouth, Steve could feel that he was the clown of the group.

Bruce was apparently _too busy _to come Trick or Treating with them and could not be disturbed on pain of very hulky death.

What on earth will people think when four grown men- and women, knock on their doors in Halloween costumes in the middle of May? Steve didn't really want to find out and was on the verge of actually hoping that there was an apocalypse so he could get out of it.

Steve had no clue how Clint had persuaded Natasha to take part- she was the scariest person that Steve had ever met and that was coming from a man who'd punched Hitler in the face and battled a HYDRA army.

"First house!" Tony called, strolling up to the door confidently and practically dragging Steve along behind him.

Clint rang the doorbell, adjusting his sack. Tony had taken the liberty of explaining 'The art of Trick or Treating' to Steve, and he found it to be quite a harsh game. Then again, this _was_ 2012.

"Trick or-" Steve started when the door was opened, pausing when he realised that he was the only one saying it. He turned around to find that he was alone; the others had abandoned him.

The woman who'd opened the door was giving him a very strange and annoyed look.

"You stupid or something? Stop fooling around or I'll call the police!" She shouted, slamming the door shut.

Steve huffed, irritated and turned to see 'Tasha, Clint and Tony emerging from a bush, laughing hysterically.

"Very funny guys," Steve tried to sound annoyed and disapproving, but a small smile crept unwillingly onto his face.

Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad after all.

**A/N: Not pleased with this Chapter. Didn't turn out the way I wanted, but hey, we all gotta learn. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! I CAN'T CONTINUE WITHOUT IT:(.**

**Another short chapter- sorry! Read the A/N at the top for info about my updating!**

**Next Chapter will be more angsty so if you enjoy Tony Angst as much as me, you're in for a treat.**

**HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Sorry, I don't know much about how you celebrate Halloween over there in the States, but enjoy it nonetheless!**

**R&R!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Of Shawarma and Superheroes**

**Rating: T**

**Disclaimer: Perhaps when pigs learn to fly, I will own the Avengers. Until then, I guess I'll just have to make do with Fanfiction.**

**Warnings: Possible Whump, Angst, Language and really bad puns.**

**Summary: What happens when you get all the Avengers and force them to stay at Stark's Malibu home for six months? Mayhem of course! Will feature anything from Angst to bad puns, but NO SLASH.**

**A/N: Two updates in one day! I'm on a role. **

**Sorry, forgot to say in prev. chapter: That awesome Captain America song does not belong to me, it belongs to HISHE- check them out on Youtube, its sooo funny.**

**Finally, angst! Yes, I loved writing this chapter :D**

CHAPTER 3:

Captain Steve Rogers awoke that morning to Tony Stark bursting into his room with a huge grin on his face like a kid on a sugar rush.

It had been one of the few days on which the Super Soldier had been enjoying a lie-in, so he wasn't particularly happy.

]

"Cap, rise and shine, we're going to the beach!"

Confused and fatigued, Steve pulled on a pair of swim shorts along with one of his few tee shirts that he owned, rather than the standard SHIELD issue.

Five minutes later, he found himself walking along side an equally drowsy Bruce Banner.

"Why is Stark so lively? Its not even eight. He doesn't usually wake up until past ten," Steve complained, putting on some shades to block out the glaring sun.

"That's because he hasn't had any sleep _at all_ Cap. The wonders of Caffeine," Bruce replied, smearing sunscreen over his face.

To say that they were going to the beach would be wrong, because Stark basically _lived_ on the beach. Instead, they were taking a small path down to a beautiful large stretch of white sand, and beyond, the glittering turquoise ocean.

Clint sighed in content as he 'accidentally' bumped into Natasha again, causing her to whack him and mutter something about 'gay cupids'.

After less than forty seconds, Steve was standing on the largest beach he'd ever seen staring out at the vast sea. What's more, the beach was utterly abandoned, which was unsurprising, given the early hour.

Grinning, Steve pulled his shirt off and sprinted down to the sea, alongside Clint who was wearing a beautiful pair of purple swim shorts decorated with budgies.

"Don't ask," Clint warned, blushing, "Natasha's idea of a joke."

Smirking, the soldier tipped a toe into the luxuriously warm water before walking in until it lapped around his knees.

Before he could get any further, however, Clint shoved him forwards so that Steve flew face first into the ocean, spluttering with annoyance.

Underwater, he grabbed the Hawk's leg, yanking him off balance so that he slipped backwards, causing a volcano of bubbles to plume.

"Oh, you did _not_ just do that!" Clint shouted as he broke the surface, grinning crazily.

Steve laughed as Clint splashed him sulkily. Suddenly, it occurred to him that he and Clint were still the only ones in the sea.

He turned around to see Bruce strolling up to them, Thor slowly removing his armour and Natasha changing into her swim wear.

Tony was still up at the beach, tapping on some kind of device.

_Well_ Steve thought _got to do something about that._ Nudging Clint, he pointed up at Tony, causing the archer's expression to turn sour.

"Spoilsport. Come on Cap, lets wake him up shall we?" Clint smiled, wading back out of the water towards the dozing billionaire.

When the duo reached him he was fully asleep, but there were more pressing problems at hand.

"Ugh, Thor!"

The God of Thunder obviously had not heard of swimming shorts.

"Is there a problem with my attire?" Thor frowned, confused.

"Yes!" Clint choked, "There is none!"

Trying to rid himself of the mental image, Steve shuddered and turned away, sure that he had been mentally scarred for life.

"Do you Midgardians swim in your clothes?" he asked, still distractingly nude.

Clint nodded frantically, eyes screwed shut. Thor simply shrugged and pulled on his leather pants before storming towards the sea, uttering a war cry.

Steve shuddered again, turning back to their belongings and the sleeping Tony while Clint finally opened his eyes.

"Thank _God_," Clint breathed, before his attention to the slumbering billionaire.

"You want to bet Stark's a deep sleeper?" Clint asked, grabbing his feet while Steve took his arms.

Together, they carefully lifted the billionaire, and were collectively astounded when he didn't wake.

Gently, they carried him over to the sea, lifting him higher so that he didn't touch the water. Once they were up to their thighs, Steve mouthed: _three...two...one...drop!_

At that, they dropped the heavy billionaire into the shallow water, leaping out of the way so they wouldn't get killed.

Underwater, however, a very different battle was taking place.

Tony struggled as he was shocked into waking, struggling to break the surface, but he couldn't move his arms. He tried to ward off the flashbacks, but with no avail.

_They were holding him underwater and he couldn't breathe, he couldn't breathe. He thrashed around until their grips loosened and at last they lifted him up. He took deep gasps of the beautifully substantial air, but icy cold water sat deep in his lungs, forcing him to take rattling coughs. In mid-breath, they mercilessly plunged him back into the freezing water._

No! Tony knew, subconsciously that none of that was happening, but he couldn't stop it. It was like he was tied down, being forced to watch a never ending horror show, but much more real.

_Again, he was pushed down, so deep that his chest dipped in the water and suddenly, an electric shock jolted through him as the electromagnet sparked in his chest. Masked men shouted in languages that he didn't understand, but none of that was real. All that was real was him and the icy water._

"What the hell is happening?" Steve shouted, trying to pull a struggling Tony out of the ocean. He could see the man's face expressing battling emotions, as he thrashed underwater.

"He's having some kind of seizure or flashback, get him out!" Bruce ordered, striding up to the immensely guilty pair.

"I didn't know-" Steve began helplessly.

"Save it," Bruce grunted as he helped pull the billionaire out of the sea.

By the time that they had managed to drag Tony onto dry land, he was still and seemingly unconscious. Bruce pressed an ear onto Tony's mouth, then straightened.

"He's got a lot of water in his lungs, but he's breathing. We need to wake him up."

Thor had no problem complying, hitting Tony hard on the chest.

The billionaire immediately sat up, coughing up water and retching. Steve did a double take when he saw Stark's eyes; the pupils were so dilated that they completely covered his usually brown irises.

The second he seemed able, Stark leapt up, glaring at the group with a mix of anger and humiliation.

Turning away, he stormed back towards his house.

*AA*AA*AA*

Anthony Stark was many things, but forgiving was not one of them.

Deep in his heart, he knew that Steve and Clint had just been fooling around, that this was not their fault seeing as they hadn't known that this would cause a flashback.

But sulking was one thing that Stark was renowned for being good at, and that is exactly what he was doing.

Taking a deep shaking breath, he tried to rid himself of that day's thoughts, but found himself unable. He regretted ever suggesting that they went to the beach, but the allure of a team-bonding play in the sand had been too high.

He had always dreaded the day when he would have to face his demons; go back to Afghanistan and remember Yinsen and the Ten Rings.

He had avoided it for a long time, perhaps far too long.

But he sure wouldn't face them alone.

**A/N: Ah, cheesy, I know, but it seemed a fitting end to the chapter.**

**I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it, this was inspired by Isilarma's 'Some thing's aren't Funny' (Seriously, read that fic, its amazing). **

**I will try to update daily if possible, but they will only be this length if so, please tell me what you want me to do!**

**Oh, and I'm writing one of those 'What really happened in Budapest' stories so any ideas are welcome.**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Of Shawarma and Superheroes**

**Rating: T**

**Disclaimer: Perhaps when pigs learn to fly, I will own the Avengers. Until then, I guess I'll just have to make do with Fanfiction.**

**Warnings: Possible Whump, Angst, Language and really bad puns.**

**Summary: What happens when you get all the Avengers and force them to stay at Stark's Malibu home for six months? Mayhem of course! Will feature anything from Angst to bad puns, but NO SLASH.**

**A/N: So, I'm going for shorter but daily updates. Another angsty chapter, I just love angst too much. I dunno how long this story is going to be, probably way too long, but never mind. Sorry about not updating my Merlin fanfic, I have a huge writer's block! If anyone has any ideas or can help please PM me!**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, it means a lot to me! **

**Oh, and: **

**REPLY TO Lollypops101: Thanks, and I guess since Stark's planes are probably faster and private, maybe it would only take 6 hours! **

CHAPTER 4:

Steve Rogers paced up and down the dining room, trying to think of what he could say to Stark.

There was no point just trying to say sorry; he had already tried that tactic and Tony had just given him a glare, then stormed off.

"Can you please stop pacing. Its really distracting," Bruce moaned, looking up from the book he was writing in.

"Why, what are you doing? Solving life's problems?" Steve remarked sarcastically.

"As a matter of fact I am," Bruce replied haughtily, tapping his pen against his lip.

"Seems a little small for that," Steve snorted, glancing at the small book. Bruce just raised an eyebrow.

"Who's Mr. Cynical today?" Bruce taunted but Steve chose to take the moral high-ground and ignore him. It wasn't often that he got into arguments with the scientist, but making him angry was the worst thing to do.

"What do you think I should say to Stark?" Steve asked, slumping on a couch next to the television.

Bruce did not offer up a reply, merely giving him an unreadable look. At that moment, Tony strolled into the room and turned on the coffee machine that Steve could have sworn followed Tony around. This seemed like a sign from God (Yes Steve was still a firm Christian, despite living in the same house as a Norse God) and so Steve cleared his throat and spoke up.

"Tony... yesterday-" Steve started but was abruptly cut off by Natasha speeding into the room.

"Suit up guys. It seems we have a new psychopath in town," she ordered, already wearing her typical SHIELD uniform and slipping her handguns into their holsters.

Steve could not stop the small sigh of relief emitting from his mouth as he grabbed his shield.

*AA*AA*AA*

Clint lay back on the soft leather sofa, breathing hard.

"That was _intense_," he commented. Natasha ignored him, instead opting just sharpen her knives and glare at Thor, who had accidentally mistaken her for one of the king bed-sized beetles that they were fighting and had pumped her with enough electricity to make her hair stand up on end.

He had apologised profusely afterwards, but that was marred by the fact that he couldn't stop grinning while he said it.

It turned out that a gamma-ray accident had created these mutant creatures, and the 'World's Mightiest Heroes' were called upon once again.

The Hulk had obviously thought that these monstrosities were an insult, and had thoroughly smashed them.

Sadly, the press had heard of the accident, and had brought along half of California to watch them be beaten up, but Stark had handled them well and no-one had gotten injured.

All in all, it was a pretty good day, as their days went.

Steve however, was not happy.

He had been deprived of a perfect time to talk to the billionaire and no matter how much he loved procrastinating, this couldn't go on forever.

They seriously needed a therapist.

*AA*AA*AA*

"Tony?" Steve asked, knocking on the glass door of the lab. Yes, Tony had given everyone the No-one-goes-into-my-lab-except-me-and-Bruce-on-pain-of-death talk, but Steve had chosen to ignore it.

He waited for several seconds, but soon got impatient. He couldn't just have Stark compromised, he was needed to save people, loathe Steve was to admit it. Sighing, Steve shoved his shoulder against the glass, hard and was surprised when it shattered relatively easily.

A small fraction of guilt pierced Steve as he glanced down at the shattered glass, but he dispelled the feeling quickly. Stark was a billionaire, after all.

Steve made his way through the lab carefully, trying not to accidentally start WWIII or assassinate the President.

As he navigated through the sea of complicated electronic devices, Steve spotted movement on the far end of the lab.

"Finally," Steve muttered to himself. Vaguely, he wondered why Tony was on speaking terms with Clint. They had both taken part in the prank.

_Perhaps Clint has already apologised_ Steve thought, guiltily. Now he felt even worse. _I'm meant to be the team Captain, shouldn't I be the glue that binds us together?_

Shaking his head, Steve picked his way through the mess to where he'd seen movement, only to see a very surprised Bruce drop a soldering iron on his foot.

"Ah, Fuck!" Bruce swore, hopping and clasping his burnt foot. Steve may have not been familiarised with modern tools, but it was easy to put the pieces together: thing + foot = burnt foot so thing = hot. Steve felt quite proud of himself; he had never been one for logic except in attack strategies.

"What are you doing in here?" Bruce asked, glaring at the super soldier.

Steve squirmed under his gaze. "I'm sorry, I was looking for Tony," he explained.

Bruce nodded slowly. "Clint came yesterday. At least he didn't smash the door down,"

"How did he get it then?"

"Air vents," The scientist replied. Steve nodded mutely before asking about Tony again.

He's through there," Bruce nodded to a heavy metal door on the far wall. Steve thanked him and wandered over to the door, clueless to how he was going to get through _this _door, when suddenly it slid open.

Surprised, he entered, glancing around at the futuristic mechanisms. Stark was seated at the other end of the room, pulling some kind of hologram of his suit apart.

"Stark," Steve began, wondering what he could say.

"Forget it Cap, it doesn't matter," Tony replied, still not looking at him. Steve stared at the genius with disbelief. Of all the things that Steve was expecting him to do: punch Steve, stab Steve or simply let out his extensive vulgar vocabulary, this reaction had not crossed his mind.

"But-" Steve protested, although he wasn't sure what for.

"I said forget it Cap, you didn't know what would happen, its not your fault."

Steve smiled. Perhaps Tony Stark wasn't really the ass that he pretended to be. Or maybe he was, and this was all nice-play. Frankly, with a man this fucked up, it was hard to tell.

*AA*AA*AA*

"Movie Night," Clint yelled that evening, this time _not _rushing into Natasha's room, instead knocking and waiting outside, ready to scarper if an angry Russian with a gun was to storm outside, yelling foreign insults and shooting him.

Luckily, she answered the door with a slight smile, for once not wearing black, which meant that either she had been possessed by an evil spirit, or she was in a _really _good mood.

Bruce rolled his eyes when the hyper assassin had come knocking at his door, but agreed that a night off would door them all good.

After all, even superheroes needed breaks now and then.

So how was it that four hours later they were huddled together, telling amusing anecdotes?

This was due to Thor being utterly confused by the 'Magic box with tiny people' and Tony had decided that his television did not want to take a Mjölnir to the face, and had opted to have a story time instead.

"So, did 'Tasha ever tell you about Budapest?" Clint grinned. Natasha elbowed him, hard.

"We are _not _telling them about Budapest!" she protested but she was laughing.

"What happened in Budapest?" Tony asked, genuinely intrigued.

"That was one hell of a night. Me and 'Tashsa were sent to kill someone, but somehow we _both_ ended up sleeping with them. You see, it all started when..."

**A/N: Muahahahaha, that will lead into my Budapest fic, which is COMING SOON! I hoped you enjoyed the chapter, I'm posting it a little earlier than usual cos I didn't have to write it at two in the morning. Sorry for any typos! I haven't got a beta, so yeah.**

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW PLEASE! REVIEWS ARE LIKE DRUGS! JUST REVIEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!**

**THANKS FOR READING :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Of Shawarma and Superheroes**

**Rating: T**

**Disclaimer: Perhaps when pigs learn to fly, I will own the Avengers. Until then, I guess I'll just have to make do with Fanfiction.**

**Warnings: Possible Whump, Angst, Language and really bad puns.**

**Summary: What happens when you get all the Avengers and force them to stay at Stark's Malibu home for six months? Mayhem of course! Will feature anything from Angst to bad puns, but NO SLASH.**

**A/N: Just to make things clear: my Budapest story is a separate fanfic and it _is _coming, just... really slowly. **

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed, keep 'em coming! **

**This is some Steve angst, because beating up people is fun! ;D ENJOY:  
**

CHAPTER 5:

Steve Rogers was not a coward. In fact, some people would say that he is one of the bravest men who'd ever lived. But one thing that Steve had never been good at was girls.

That had been understandable when he was the skinny five-foot-tall boy, but after taking the Super-Soldier serum, he had no excuse. He was still the most socially awkward man imaginable.

It had been different with Peggy, of course, but Peggy was the problem. She could still be alive, and he would never know.

What's worse is that he had made a promise that couldn't be kept, and now he would most likely feel guilty about it for the remainder of his life, short though it would probably be, considering his career choice.

Vaguely, Steve wondered if there was any way to figure out if Peggy was still alive, but even though technology had massively improved from 1943, he doubted it was possible.

But still as he laid in his exceedingly comfortable king bed, she was all he could think about.

Her smile, her laugh, and that moment when he had finally kissed her.

Sighing, Steve sat up in his bed. No point trying to sleep like this. He pulled on a sweatshirt over his night clothes and stumbled over to the laptop that Stark had given him.

Experimentally, he clicked a random letter, and jumped when a sudden bright glow illuminated the room. A box flashed up: 'C. ROGERS: (password)'. Mildly surprised that Stark hadn't thought up another 'amusing' nickname for his user name, the Captain typed 'ShieldOfAmerica123'.

Despite Stark's snarky comments on that password, the Captain _really_ couldn't have anything _less _patriotic for his password.

Steve nervously tapped the screen as the computer started to load. It still amazing him how quickly technology worked nowadays, compared to the waiting for the screen to warm up before anything worked.

It also fascinated him how such flashy and advanced technology could fit into the slim, sleek body of the laptop, although when he mentioned this to Tony, he was told to: 'Stop being such a pansy and watch Star Trek'. All further questions had been cut off there.

Timidly, Steve clicked on the 'e' symbol that was apparently a search engine, and typed 'Peggy Carter'. Unsurprisingly, hundreds of results flew up, showing different people, mostly for a website named 'Facebook'. Briefly, Steve wondered why anyone would want to take a book to the face, but purged it from his mind.

His fingers hovered over the search bar to type in her date of birth so he could narrow down the field, but he suddenly realised that he didn't _know_ Peggy's date of birth.

A wave of homesickness hit him hard, dizzying him, but he immediately brushed it away. He hated to dwell on the past.

He knew that SHIELD would most likely have files on her, seeing as she was an associate or 'love interest' as they put it of the Avengers Team Leader.

Knowing that what he was doing was highly illegal and he could probably be hanged for this or something, Steve sneaked downstairs to find the files that Phil Coulson had kept their while he had stayed at Tony's house.

After his death, they were yet to be moved, as Coulson had no family and no property except his standard SHIELD equiptment.

Feeling like he had just broken into Hitler's house, he crept down the corridor, wincing at every creaky door.

Finally, he entered the small attic-like room that stored Phil Coulson's belongings.

Now feeling like he was dancing in a sacred burial chamber on someone's rotting corpse, he quickly found the filing cabinet that was covered with dust and cobwebs and held the key to Peggy Carter.

Speaking of keys, the filing cabinet was unfortunately locked, and there were no keys In sight.

Swearing, Steve smashed his fist into the filing cabinet, then covered his mouth in horror as he imagined being caught red-handed by the probably now awake Russian spy down the corridor.

Surprisingly though, the punch seemed to have broken the locking system and the draw slid quietly open. He started rifling through it, knowing that he was running on borrowed time.

Luckily, it seemed to be in alphabetical order, so it was relatively easy to find Peggy amongst the Cs. One other file caught his eye though. Phil Coulson. Why would he have a file on himself?

Interest piqued, he grabbed both files and shut the filing cabinet, probably harder than was necessary.

Breathing a sigh of relief, he exited the room, slamming the door shut and leaning back against it.

After catching his breath, he made his way downstairs, choosing to discover his unofficial girlfriend's predicament within the cool clutches of Stark's kitchen.

He was about to tear open the file, but suddenly he stopped and thought. Did he really want to find out if Peggy was dead? Even if she wasn't she'd have changed so much...

No, Steve decided, telling his inner coward to grow some guts, he wouldn't back away from this now, not after all of this.

Determined, he pulled open the file, and examined the information.

The picture of her he recognised, it had been taken just after he had taken the Super-Soldier serum while he was beating up some Nazis.

He scanned over the text, taking in every detail:

PRIMARY ALIAS: MARGARET "PEGGY" CARTER

DOB: MARCH 3RD 1920

OCCUPATION: BRITISH ARMY (1940-43)

AGENT OF SHIELD (1945-57)

PARENTS: MARYLN PARKINSON, JOSEPH CARTER

Most of the other information was irrelevant, but his mind was reeling. Peggy had joined SHIELD? Why had no-one told him this?

But as he scanned the page, he could not see a death date and that could mean only one thing: she was still alive.

One more piece of information did catch his eye:

LAST RECORDED LOCATION: MANCHESTER, ENGLAND, UK

How on earth was he going to get all the way to England?

Steve was determined, now though, to reunite with Peggy, and several thousand miles of the Ocean weren't going to stop him.

He grabbed his keys to his motorbike, and his emergency backpack that he had pre-packed for any occasion that contained a change of clothes, a few hundred dollars, his passport and a few communication devices.

Feeling like he was a kid about to go camping, he marched toward the front door when a quiet voice said:

"Are you planning to go to England in your pyjamas?" It was Tony.

Steve turned, exasperated with himself that he had been caught.

"Besides, it would be so much easier to fly there."

*AA*AA*AA*

Steve gasped as Tony set him down on the alleyway in the middle of Manchester.

The billionaire had leant him a few pieces of the suit that allowed him to breathe and not have his face blown off with the speed that they had been going at, but had basically _carried _him to England.

Tony smiled as Steve thanked him, and even offered to wait there while Steve reunited with Peggy and not abandon him in the centre of Manchester, which Steve put down to either too much coffee or an evil spirit had possessed him.

And then, finally, he was standing on her doorstep, he had imagined this moment for months.

Slowly, he knocked on the door, breathing hard.

After a few seconds, an elderly woman stepped out, with beautiful grey eyes and a worn but stunning smile.

She paused for a second, but then: "Steve?"

"Peggy?"

She smiled, with so much happiness that he thought his heart might burst. "I thought you were dead!"

"I'm so, so sorry. Our dance..."

"Better late than never."

**A/N: Phew, that was tiring. Its almost midnight here and I still haven't uploaded!**

**So, my new clever ploy for more reviews is... Offering out virtual cookies: **

**::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I::I**

**So, all you have to do for a VIRTUAL COOKIE is review.**

**REVIEEEEEEEEEWWWWWW!**

**Oh, and you can have a preview of the Budapest fic, if you so wish...**

**Just review and tell me!**


End file.
